Tag Archives: thankful

When you just need some writing therapy

I kind of can’t believe I wrote the previous post back in January, I feel like I had jumped ship a while ago and I’m just happily surprised this little space still exists.

I hate to be redundant, but again a lot of things have changed since I last posted. I’m still at the same job with the same hours, and I am still a humble student of yoga, trying to stay sane through lifestyle shifts. Some things feel really good right now- I just snagged a church job that I’ll be starting in the fall with a wonderfully sweet community, and I have finally nailed down my living situation for the next year as well.

Singing has definitely been on the back burner, but continues to simmer away with thought of returning to school for a performance diploma prominent in my mind. That and auditions for Young Artist Programs, as well as taking a couple weeks at the end of the year for an artistic retreat-style program. There are so many possibilities ahead of me that I’m almost paralyzed by the thought of all of them…

I landed at a pretty significant realization this morning, that was centered around my current relationship, but really applies in all aspects of my life.

Nothing is certain and anything could change at any time. But instead of seeing this as a limiting belief that could really paralyze me, it’s like a glorious awakening to possibility. Nothing is guaranteed and therefore everything is sacred and should be enjoyed and experienced in the moment. Energy shouldn’t be wasted on the what-if’s or shouldn’ts or couldn’ts, and that is a beautiful realization. This is not new information, but the way I am processing it is akin to flipping a 180 on the road. It’s always been there, I just wasn’t looking in the right direction. I’m not trying to get crazy existentialist over here, but this newfound understanding is helping me release some of the doubts that have crept into my head.

Of course I could spend hours worrying about what will happen tomorrow or 3 weeks or 10 years from now, but that doesn’t actually do anything. It doesn’t prepare me for the way I’ll react if I have a wonderful pregnancy one day, or on the flipside if I have a miscarriage (Only examples, of course). But what is DOES do is rob today of the wonderful experience that is RIGHT NOW. And the excitement that could come from a phone call with a friend, or a surprise visit from a loved one. Or even something as simple as getting on my yoga mat and leading myself through a personal practice because I know that is what my body is craving.

 

I want to live unabashedly here and now, even though my anxieties try to wrench me into the future or drag me back into the past. But it’s ultimately MY decision. And I choose to be here.

 

I’m not sure when I’ll be back on this site, but I hope I won’t neglect it for quite so long again.

Thanks for reading and I’d love to hear from you.

Love,

Happiness Starts Here

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No fooling me, April

Happy April!

No big jokes to kick off this post, but I am SUPER glad that it’s finally a new month. I am lumping in new month with new weather because I refuse to accept that potential rain or, god forbid, snow and sleet will interfere with my plans to begin wearing shorts and dresses again. I love my winter boots, but I think we can all agree that I need to start wearing something else now.

To recap, this weekend was just fabulous. My brother was here and we laughed and joked like maniacs, went to the gym a whole bunch (my arms are still struggling to coordinate typing on my phone right now…) and ate some awesome food with lovely friends. Did I mention we totally YOLO-ed and got tattoos on Saturday?
We wound down our weekend by renting American Hustle to watch at home Sunday night and it was so frustrating and stressful and yet a wonderful movie. And the celebrity-laden cast may have helped take my love for it up a few notches. Christian Bale was UNrecognizable. Props to him for serious commitment to his roles!

Now that I’m on my own again, I have to admit it feels a little lonely, but I have a lot of fun memories to play over in my head. And my pals to distract me here. They did a good job of it yesterday since we got dinner at my favorite Cambridge eatery (Life Alive) and saw a really impressive performance of Die Schone Mullerin at the Dean’s House, followed by some antics at Target to buy soap and popcorn. You know, the usual stuff.

This weekend has made me feel like home is a little bit closer and spring actually is right around the corner. I hope you had an awesome weekend too!

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Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Phone-less

This morning I had my longest shift at work, and probably the most rewarding. I never believed I was the kind of person who could teach but I’m finding out just how fun and exhilarating it can be to work with students and to help them improve their language skills.

I always became quite close with teachers as I went through school since I really loved and respected the learning process, but I didn’t realize how cool it would be to be on the other side. So far, even though it’s not all easy, I’m loving it!

Though today was filled with a bit of running around between Back Bay, to school, to Cambridge and finally home, I’m really enjoying being busy and finding a purpose everyday. I even managed to get in a speedy weightlifting session at the gym between work and class!

The cherry on top was definitely that I only waited about 2 minutes for my bus to take me home tonight, even though my phone had died and I had no way of knowing if I was early, had just missed it, or was in for a 45-minute wait outside. Even though I was bummed my phone ran out of battery about 3 hours before I was heading home, I’m really glad it did. Stopping at the Co-Op in Cambridge, I talked to my checkout cashier about the kombucha they brew on site and got a smile out of him. Later when I was on the bus, I smiled and made faces at a cute little girl in her stroller with her mom nearby, and she waved and smiled back. I know I’m usually totally caught up in my phone, especially on public transportation, but I just appreciated sitting in the bus, taking in all the different people around me, and wishing that we could all just put down our phones sometimes and connect with each other. I’m thankful for the reminder to not let myself get bogged down too much by all my high-tech gadgets, and to experience life as it is happening right this second.

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Wednesday things

A great voice lesson.

No rehearsals.

Clean sheets to sleep on.

Showering right before bed in the winter makes me inexplicably happy.

Skyping with my mom and getting all my grad school frustrations out. (And seeing her smiling face reminding me I get to go home in 2 weeks!)

Homemade popcorn on the stove.

Texting about how to avoid classes we’d rather skip.

Going for a walk in the rain.

So many things to be thankful for today.

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Hikes and PR’s

As my final day home, it has been a pretty darn wonderful one. I started the day with a hike with my family and 2 close friends, followed by a jaunt to a nearby farmers market for fresh bagels, with cream cheese of course! My brother and I then had our last training session together for a while at the gym, and it was perfectly sweaty and we both hit personal bests on the leg press! He repped it out at 730 pounds!!!! My PR was a little less heavy but I’m still proud of myself since I pressed 4 plates for a total of 360 pounds! I felt like superwoman! 🙂

The afternoon was mostly devoted to packing, but some QT with mom getting gel manicures was definitely included. I feel so blessed to have been able to spend so much precious time with my family during this break, and that I even managed to study for and pass my personal trainer exam. It has been an amazing few weeks at home and although it would be great to stick around until the snow melts in Boston, I know I have wonderful things awaiting me upon my return, and I am really looking forward to diving back into my music and performing back at school. And searching for a job!! (Just in case anyone was looking for a part-time hard-working, organized office assistant or gym attendant in the Boston area- I’m looking, and available!)

I hope you had an enjoyable weekend! I’m topping mine off with a home-cooked dinner with the family and one of my favvvvorite tv shows, The Mentalist. Anyone else watch this? It is SO mind-bogglingly good!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Salut 2014!

Today I’m happy about: welcoming 2014 with a bang!

I started off my day with my favorite cinnamon oatmeal breakfast, and followed it by going for a run with my Mom. She is getting into running slowly but surely, and I was so excited that she wanted to go out for a short run with me, so I made sure we did it! Then I hit the gym with my favorite 3 training buddies for a brutal leg workout- where I squatted 205 pounds for 5 reps!! That is a HUGE PR for me and I couldn’t believe it even happened- thank god for my brother’s support, “You got this, that’s light weight!”

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Today I’ve spent about 5 hours studying, reading, and flash card-making for my personal trainer exam next week and the going may be slow, but at least it’s going!!

I had a beautiful and fun evening with family and friends at dinner last night, celebrating the new year beginning and I can’t wait to see and experience all the blessings that 2014 has to offer.

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What did you do to celebrate New Years Eve? Did you set any goals for 2014?

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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As 2013 comes to a close…

Today I’m happy about: saying goodbye to an incredible 2013 and hello to what I know will be a wonderful 2014!

This year was filled with a lot of change for me… I graduated from college (UCLA Bruin forever!), turned 22, and worked several summer jobs.

I decided to move across the country to Boston to get my Master’s Degree in Music, and followed my passion for performing rather than staying home and taking the easy way out.

I let a sub-par relationship fade out of my life and fell in love with someone new but decided to end that relationship because I wanted to do some growing of my own.

One of the things I’m most proud of myself for facing this year was my disordered eating and exercise, and my dwindling self-confidence because of depression and anxiety. In September I decided to face those things head-on, by seeing a psychiatrist as well as a therapist, who I have continued to see weekly. But the most important part of this decision was that I decided I WANTED to leave all those things behind. My issues with good had consumed me for so many years and had ruined many experiences, relationships and opportunities for me, and I was tired of being a backseat driver in my own life.

I can confidently say I haven’t felt this good and truly myself in at least 4 years and I am so thankful for the support I’ve had to get me to where I am today. I know it was far from being easy, and there is still a long way to go, but after seeing how much I really feel I have flourished and been reborn over the past few months, I know that 2014 will be a year of continued growth and journey towards self-love.

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I hope you all have a beautiful and safe New Year’s Eve celebration, regardless of what you’ll be doing! We’re having friends over for cocktails, then heading to a fancy 5-course dinner at a French restaurant- and I am going to thoroughly enjoy the moments I can share with my favorite people, savor every single morsel of delicious food- and wine!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR AND SEE YOU IN 2014!!!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Second Thoughts

Today I’m happy about: spending the afternoon holiday shopping with my mom. I had a great workout after a relaxed morning, but after lunch today I ate some extra challah bread that I had freshly baked yesterday (and that is one of my FAVORITE things!) but I felt guilty about eating it afterwards. At first I was disappointed in myself for allowing those negative and unhelpful thoughts in, but the more I think about it, I have come such a LONG way from 3 months ago when I began my intuitive saying journey and I should feel proud of myself rather than focusing on my small struggles.

Three months ago I would never have been able to go out to dinner and split a pizza with my mom AND enjoy wine with it, guilt-free, but this week I did exactly that and I had such a wonderful time! I am constantly evolving and becoming more aware of what I want and need instead of allowing my brain to take over and control everything.

I am incredibly thankful to be home and to be able to spend so much quality time with my mom, and with other friends who have returned for the break, and I am going to continue fully enjoying my time and my experiences here rather than focusing on the things I don’t do perfectly. I am happy and healthy and so happy to be alive in this wonderful world.

Happy Saturday!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Sleeping my way to headstand!

Today I’m happy about: having a wonderful night’s sleep! Gosh sleep is so restorative, I woke up so refreshed and ready for an awesome power yoga practice. I am particularly proud of myself for finally pushing up into headstand towards the end of the class! I ended up tumbling down to the floor but it was the first time I’ve gotten into an inversion without the help of a wall and I was smiling ear to ear even as I collapsed.

Did you do anything to push yourself today? It can be mental or physical, but I think it’s important to push your own boundaries on a regular basis.

Today is the one year anniversary of the Newtown tragedy, and in honor of the families and those who were lost, i hope you’ll do something kind for someone else, whether it’s a smile or a compliment, giving back to others is a great way to do something selfless and share the happiness and optimism we all deserve to have, especially in times of difficulty.

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Thankful

Today I’m happy about: having the wonderful opportunity to celebrate Thanksgiving with my newly found Boston family! This was my first year being away from home for the holiday but it could not have been more perfect. We all brought dishes from our own backgrounds and shared amazing food and stories, and even had a treacherous game of Spoons going after dessert!

I am so thankful for my family and friends, and to have a healthy body that allows me to enjoy all the beautiful things about this life, whether it’s singing, eating, traveling, spending time with loved ones, reading a book, or laughing. I feel so blessed to have so many things to be happy about.

I hope you are having a wonderful holiday with people who make you feel loved and happy. Happy Thanksgiving!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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