Tag Archives: support

When you just need some writing therapy

I kind of can’t believe I wrote the previous post back in January, I feel like I had jumped ship a while ago and I’m just happily surprised this little space still exists.

I hate to be redundant, but again a lot of things have changed since I last posted. I’m still at the same job with the same hours, and I am still a humble student of yoga, trying to stay sane through lifestyle shifts. Some things feel really good right now- I just snagged a church job that I’ll be starting in the fall with a wonderfully sweet community, and I have finally nailed down my living situation for the next year as well.

Singing has definitely been on the back burner, but continues to simmer away with thought of returning to school for a performance diploma prominent in my mind. That and auditions for Young Artist Programs, as well as taking a couple weeks at the end of the year for an artistic retreat-style program. There are so many possibilities ahead of me that I’m almost paralyzed by the thought of all of them…

I landed at a pretty significant realization this morning, that was centered around my current relationship, but really applies in all aspects of my life.

Nothing is certain and anything could change at any time. But instead of seeing this as a limiting belief that could really paralyze me, it’s like a glorious awakening to possibility. Nothing is guaranteed and therefore everything is sacred and should be enjoyed and experienced in the moment. Energy shouldn’t be wasted on the what-if’s or shouldn’ts or couldn’ts, and that is a beautiful realization. This is not new information, but the way I am processing it is akin to flipping a 180 on the road. It’s always been there, I just wasn’t looking in the right direction. I’m not trying to get crazy existentialist over here, but this newfound understanding is helping me release some of the doubts that have crept into my head.

Of course I could spend hours worrying about what will happen tomorrow or 3 weeks or 10 years from now, but that doesn’t actually do anything. It doesn’t prepare me for the way I’ll react if I have a wonderful pregnancy one day, or on the flipside if I have a miscarriage (Only examples, of course). But what is DOES do is rob today of the wonderful experience that is RIGHT NOW. And the excitement that could come from a phone call with a friend, or a surprise visit from a loved one. Or even something as simple as getting on my yoga mat and leading myself through a personal practice because I know that is what my body is craving.

 

I want to live unabashedly here and now, even though my anxieties try to wrench me into the future or drag me back into the past. But it’s ultimately MY decision. And I choose to be here.

 

I’m not sure when I’ll be back on this site, but I hope I won’t neglect it for quite so long again.

Thanks for reading and I’d love to hear from you.

Love,

Happiness Starts Here

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Time is flying!

I can hardly believe it’s already Wednesday. This week is just flying by and before I know it I’ll be on my way back to freezing Boston…

Not before I enjoy some awesome mother-daughter time though! We hopped over to downtown Palo Alto for lunch at Oren’s Hummus, home of the creamiest and most incredible hummus in the world. Seriously, it is so good I have dreams about it when I’m back east… We followed that by enjoying the sweet sunshine walking around downtown Los Gatos and then getting our nails done. I think both of us nearly fell asleep by the end when our nails were drying, I guess we need to catch up on some Z’s.

I had somewhat of an emotional afternoon, since I’m still overhauling my whole relationship with eating and my body, but thankfully I had my best friend by my side to help me get through it. The past 6 months have been such a tremendous growing period for me, but when something gets me down, I tend to forget all of the work I have already put in, and all the rewarding success I’ve had already. I expect myself to be able to make these huge changes basically from one day to the next instead of honoring the fact that it really is a process and it’s going to take some time to get where I’m heading.

Who do you turn to when you’re struggling?
I’m so thankful to have my mom as well as other great friends and a support system to help me get through even the roughest of days.

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Finding the joy

Happy Friday friends!

Finding the joy. Today I have been feeling funky, second-guessing myself, worrying a little too much, and for no good reason. Even throughout my yoga practice this morning I felt tense and kind of angry. This was so weird to me because yoga always helps me see things more clearly and peacefully.

This afternoon I had a couple rehearsals and they went fine, I chatted with several people but two of my closest girlfriends weren’t there, so I started getting down on myself for not having any friends. What the heck? I talked with several of my pals today and just because they weren’t there, all of a sudden I was a loner? No, not one bit true!

On Wednesday I was chatting with my mom about possible career changed and I started crying. Not really a regular occurrence.

So here’s the thing. This week has been tough for me. I’ve been thinking so much about my future: my career possibilites, my family, my home, I have been so wrapped up in the future and getting it right, that I’ve been letting everything that I love about my life and myself seem like chump change. The fact is, I won’t get it perfectly right. I don’t really know that anyone ever does, but today I am choosing to acknowledge this fear I’m harboring. Today I want to choose to let some of that go, even if it’s just breathing and focusing on the things that were so great about this week; like being able to Skype with my mom, and actually having so many possibilities open to me.

So today I’m choosing joy, because I want to live my life like the celebration that it is! The things I can’t change will happen no matter what, so I want to live in this moment.

And I am seeing one of my favorite operas at New England Conservatory tomorrow, which I am really looking forward to!

What are you doing this weekend?
How are you choosing joy today?

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Holiday Break: Recap

It’s with a slightly heavy heart that I headed back to Boston, although I was looking forward to getting back into the groove of school and music. It was truly a wonderful few weeks being home in California with my family and close friends, and I couldn’t have asked for a better experience there. I was able to spend quality time with my loved ones, even traveling a bit north to San Francisco and south to Carmel and Monterey.

I knew this particular holiday break at home was going to be different from previous years and although I know it in my heart to be true, I was so happy to hear that my mom and brother both could see such a clear change in me. I have said it time and time again here, I apologize if I sound like a broken record, but I really feel like I am living again and I absolutely took in every precious second I was home and surrounded by love. I had a challenging past semester in school but it opened me up to so many new experiences and allowed me to grow so much, I can’t help but be so thankful for the opportunity. I know the coming semester will undoubtedly have its unique ups and downs, but I move forward into this new time with joy and excitement rather than fear and anxiety as I had in the past.

Here are just a few snapshots of my lovely time at home: 🙂

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I hope your week is off to a marvelous start! What did you do this weekend?

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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I passed!!

I passed my NASM Personal Trainer Certification today!!! I am so excited that all my hard work and studying paid off! I worried a little bit during the test that I was getting questions wrong, but I went with my gut and trusted that I had done all the preparation I needed to and was beyond ready to pass. Woohoo!!!

As over-joyed as I was today about finally being done studying and having received my certification, I let some negative self-talk get me down. Although my body is healthier than it has been in a while, today I obsessed over my stomach sticking out more than it used to and the fact that I still don’t have six-pack abs. As a trainer, who am I not to be in top shape?

What I was really struggling with was some body dysmorphic issues- thinking I am much larger than I am in reality. Although I know I am at a healthy weight and I’m getting SO much stronger than I’ve been before, I’m letting small things like my lack of a flat stomach, get in the way of being happy about all the other incredible things that are currently going on in my life. But I refuse to allow that to continue and I’m putting my foot down right now.

I am beautiful and smart and talented, and in great shape. I love working out and doing yoga, but I also love eating delicious food and spending precious time with my friends and family, as well as singing which is another of my passions. I will not let some stupid views of what women’s bodies SHOULD be, determine my happiness.

Thanks for listening to my rant- I love and appreciate all of you who follow along on my journey through this blog.

Happy Tuesday!! What did you do today?

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Catchup Time

Today I’m happy about: getting to catch up with one of my friends on the phone. We’ve kept in touch pretty well with text messaging but it was awesome to be able to hear his voice this evening. Although we’ve only known each other for about a year and a half, he is definitely one of my favorite people and closest friends. I hope that one day soon we’ll be working in the same city since we’re both singers.

I have one of my last finals tomorrow morning so I’m planning on getting a great night’s sleep, and I don’t think I’ll have any problems given the intense vinyasa class I took this morning.

Happy Thursday!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Thankful

Today I’m happy about: having the wonderful opportunity to celebrate Thanksgiving with my newly found Boston family! This was my first year being away from home for the holiday but it could not have been more perfect. We all brought dishes from our own backgrounds and shared amazing food and stories, and even had a treacherous game of Spoons going after dessert!

I am so thankful for my family and friends, and to have a healthy body that allows me to enjoy all the beautiful things about this life, whether it’s singing, eating, traveling, spending time with loved ones, reading a book, or laughing. I feel so blessed to have so many things to be happy about.

I hope you are having a wonderful holiday with people who make you feel loved and happy. Happy Thanksgiving!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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The conjuring

Today I’m happy about: spending time with one of my classmates this afternoon and learning more about her and continuing to build our friendship. I’m grateful for the opportunities to meet and interact with such wonderful and warm, funny and bright people, that surround me daily. Boston really is a hub of so much diversity and I love it. And I found a new person to share my love of scary movies with!

Do you like scary movies? Hate them?

Happy Tuesday y’all!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Improv Singing?

Today I’m happy about: feeling much more positive about my singing and performing. I had an acting class this afternoon in which we improvised on monologues we had learned, but by singing them! Although I was initially terrified about how the improv would go, I knew that everyone surrounding me wanted me to succeed just as much as I wanted them to succeed. So I went for it and tried to throw myself into the exercise and really ended up having a blast! I absolutely love performing, and I really needed that reminder today and I am so thankful to have been given the opportunity to remember it.

Happy Monday loves!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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La Cantante

Today I’m happy about: going to see my friend perform at Faneuil Hall with her voice teacher! I’ve kept busy with errands and studying all day so it will be a wonderful way to relax and enjoy the evening!

What are you doing this weekend? Any concerts or fun events going on?

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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