Tag Archives: grateful

When you just need some writing therapy

I kind of can’t believe I wrote the previous post back in January, I feel like I had jumped ship a while ago and I’m just happily surprised this little space still exists.

I hate to be redundant, but again a lot of things have changed since I last posted. I’m still at the same job with the same hours, and I am still a humble student of yoga, trying to stay sane through lifestyle shifts. Some things feel really good right now- I just snagged a church job that I’ll be starting in the fall with a wonderfully sweet community, and I have finally nailed down my living situation for the next year as well.

Singing has definitely been on the back burner, but continues to simmer away with thought of returning to school for a performance diploma prominent in my mind. That and auditions for Young Artist Programs, as well as taking a couple weeks at the end of the year for an artistic retreat-style program. There are so many possibilities ahead of me that I’m almost paralyzed by the thought of all of them…

I landed at a pretty significant realization this morning, that was centered around my current relationship, but really applies in all aspects of my life.

Nothing is certain and anything could change at any time. But instead of seeing this as a limiting belief that could really paralyze me, it’s like a glorious awakening to possibility. Nothing is guaranteed and therefore everything is sacred and should be enjoyed and experienced in the moment. Energy shouldn’t be wasted on the what-if’s or shouldn’ts or couldn’ts, and that is a beautiful realization. This is not new information, but the way I am processing it is akin to flipping a 180 on the road. It’s always been there, I just wasn’t looking in the right direction. I’m not trying to get crazy existentialist over here, but this newfound understanding is helping me release some of the doubts that have crept into my head.

Of course I could spend hours worrying about what will happen tomorrow or 3 weeks or 10 years from now, but that doesn’t actually do anything. It doesn’t prepare me for the way I’ll react if I have a wonderful pregnancy one day, or on the flipside if I have a miscarriage (Only examples, of course). But what is DOES do is rob today of the wonderful experience that is RIGHT NOW. And the excitement that could come from a phone call with a friend, or a surprise visit from a loved one. Or even something as simple as getting on my yoga mat and leading myself through a personal practice because I know that is what my body is craving.

 

I want to live unabashedly here and now, even though my anxieties try to wrench me into the future or drag me back into the past. But it’s ultimately MY decision. And I choose to be here.

 

I’m not sure when I’ll be back on this site, but I hope I won’t neglect it for quite so long again.

Thanks for reading and I’d love to hear from you.

Love,

Happiness Starts Here

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The final stretch

Safely arrived on the east coast after a long day of travel, but I am happy to be back and looking forward to kicking off the week with my classes tomorrow as well as work later this week.

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Miss her so much already but I know I’ll be home again before I know it!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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See you later

Tonight I just want to say how thankful I am to have been able to spend this beautiful week home with my parents. I ate so much delicious vegan food, introduced my parents to several new restaurants and they were so happy and open to trying them, I couldn’t have been more proud.
We had a chance to do some traveling north and south, and had some good laughs along the way. I had some ups and a few downs in accepting everything that comes with recovery from disordered eating, but this week has been extremely liberating and has allowed me to get much more in touch with my cravings and hunger cues, as well as recognizing when they are real or whether they are caused by an emotional need.

I was even able to catch up with my best friend since she was in town for the weekend, and boy did it feel good to just unload all our news to each other. We made a pact to seriously keep in touch more frequently for the rest of this school year, so we aren’t giving ourselves any excuses about getting too busy. Keeping up with each other’s lives is too important to let slide.

This break really came at the perfect time for me, and I know with only 6-7 weeks left of the semester it’ll be over before I know it. I can’t wait to come back but I know I’m in for a great couple months back in Boston until the summer. Here’s hoping the sunny California weather follows me east!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Holiday Break: Recap

It’s with a slightly heavy heart that I headed back to Boston, although I was looking forward to getting back into the groove of school and music. It was truly a wonderful few weeks being home in California with my family and close friends, and I couldn’t have asked for a better experience there. I was able to spend quality time with my loved ones, even traveling a bit north to San Francisco and south to Carmel and Monterey.

I knew this particular holiday break at home was going to be different from previous years and although I know it in my heart to be true, I was so happy to hear that my mom and brother both could see such a clear change in me. I have said it time and time again here, I apologize if I sound like a broken record, but I really feel like I am living again and I absolutely took in every precious second I was home and surrounded by love. I had a challenging past semester in school but it opened me up to so many new experiences and allowed me to grow so much, I can’t help but be so thankful for the opportunity. I know the coming semester will undoubtedly have its unique ups and downs, but I move forward into this new time with joy and excitement rather than fear and anxiety as I had in the past.

Here are just a few snapshots of my lovely time at home: 🙂

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I hope your week is off to a marvelous start! What did you do this weekend?

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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All in a Semester

Today I’m happy about: being nearly done with finals! I am finishing up a music theory assignment and then just have to turn in a paper I already wrote and take my sit-down final on Monday morning. I can hardly believe how quickly the days have flown by since Thanksgiving!
I am so grateful for such a wonderful first semester of grad school and I am a little amazed at everything I accomplished in the last 3 months. I feel like an entirely different person than I did back in August and looking back on the growth and changes I have experienced, I am really excited about my future. As recently as this summer, I don’t think I could have imagined being in the mental space I am and feeling so confident about my life. Don’t get me wrong- my life is far from perfect!- but I am thankful for every day I am able to do the things I love, like singing and practicing yoga and seeing my friends, and that I have a healthy body and mind to be able to enjoy it all.

Happy Friday the 13th!

I hope you have a marvelous evening!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Simply the best

Today I’m happy about: realizing in growing up, but not losing my free spirit.
I had an incredible 2 hour chat with my mom via Skype and although I know we are extremely close, today we were really like two adults talking about everything under the sun, and I am so grateful to be able to do that with her. She is an amazing lady and I love her more than words can express.

Happy Wednesday! I hope you’ve had a chance to talk to someone you love today.

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Focus on the positives

Today I’m happy about: a lovely lunch with my mom and getting to blabber on about the new guy I seeing. He is amazing and makes me so happy, even though I came home over the summer not expecting to meet anyone. I feel so lucky and allowing myself to totally enjoy my happiness in the moment.

Called more and more doctors recently and am finally starting to see the light at the end of tunnel for the appointments I need. “Focus on the positives, and soon the negatives will disappear.”

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Take the first step

Today I’m happy about: the people in my life who care about me enough to recognize when things aren’t going well. I am struggling and I feel out of control and I’m grasping for straws wherever I can, but I can’t go on like this. Tomorrow I’m taking this feeling into my hands and I’m going to finally make an appointment to talk to a professional.

Today I am truly grateful for the amazing support system I am so lucky to have. With them I know I can get through anything.

I hope there is always someone you can count on in your life!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Twofer

Today I’m happy about: surviving the Tahoe trip! Yes, I’m still alive, though we did some damage. I had a fun and rejuvenating weekend with my best friends and we were crazy enough to gym every day regardless of the weekend. Makin’ those gainssss yessir.

Today I’m thankful for my health in spite of an unsettling phone call this morning from the doctor’s office. I am hoping it is precautionary and after more tests are done it will turn out fine. But all the same, scares are scary and I will hopefully be feeling relieved soon.

Happy Monday you lovely people!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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