Tag Archives: Boston

When you just need some writing therapy

I kind of can’t believe I wrote the previous post back in January, I feel like I had jumped ship a while ago and I’m just happily surprised this little space still exists.

I hate to be redundant, but again a lot of things have changed since I last posted. I’m still at the same job with the same hours, and I am still a humble student of yoga, trying to stay sane through lifestyle shifts. Some things feel really good right now- I just snagged a church job that I’ll be starting in the fall with a wonderfully sweet community, and I have finally nailed down my living situation for the next year as well.

Singing has definitely been on the back burner, but continues to simmer away with thought of returning to school for a performance diploma prominent in my mind. That and auditions for Young Artist Programs, as well as taking a couple weeks at the end of the year for an artistic retreat-style program. There are so many possibilities ahead of me that I’m almost paralyzed by the thought of all of them…

I landed at a pretty significant realization this morning, that was centered around my current relationship, but really applies in all aspects of my life.

Nothing is certain and anything could change at any time. But instead of seeing this as a limiting belief that could really paralyze me, it’s like a glorious awakening to possibility. Nothing is guaranteed and therefore everything is sacred and should be enjoyed and experienced in the moment. Energy shouldn’t be wasted on the what-if’s or shouldn’ts or couldn’ts, and that is a beautiful realization. This is not new information, but the way I am processing it is akin to flipping a 180 on the road. It’s always been there, I just wasn’t looking in the right direction. I’m not trying to get crazy existentialist over here, but this newfound understanding is helping me release some of the doubts that have crept into my head.

Of course I could spend hours worrying about what will happen tomorrow or 3 weeks or 10 years from now, but that doesn’t actually do anything. It doesn’t prepare me for the way I’ll react if I have a wonderful pregnancy one day, or on the flipside if I have a miscarriage (Only examples, of course). But what is DOES do is rob today of the wonderful experience that is RIGHT NOW. And the excitement that could come from a phone call with a friend, or a surprise visit from a loved one. Or even something as simple as getting on my yoga mat and leading myself through a personal practice because I know that is what my body is craving.

 

I want to live unabashedly here and now, even though my anxieties try to wrench me into the future or drag me back into the past. But it’s ultimately MY decision. And I choose to be here.

 

I’m not sure when I’ll be back on this site, but I hope I won’t neglect it for quite so long again.

Thanks for reading and I’d love to hear from you.

Love,

Happiness Starts Here

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It’s been a while…

And a while, it certainly has.

My last entry here was almost 2 years ago, and my what a lot has changed. I kind of stumbled back onto this blog by chance as I was scrolling through my feed on BlogLovin and was happily surprised that I had not deleted it.

Some things are still the same, like my love for singing and performing, my devotion to working out, my struggle to be myself and own my journey, but I’m done with school and now working full time. That has proved to be a struggle in and of itself- I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that transitioning from being a student for over 16 years, to joining the workplace and becoming entirely financially independent, is no small feat! Now rather than forcing myself to workout in ways that make me unhappy, I’ve maintained a regular yoga practice for the past 8 months.Β It helps keep me centered and has really allowed me to embrace mindfulness and (try to!) come from a place of kindness when I am being hard on myself.

I’m still in Boston, and fortunate to be living with my best friend, but I’m beginning to wonder if this is the city I want to stay in. Yes, I have a stable job and living situation, but based on my less-than-stellar past audition season, am I really in the best location to maximize my opportunities to “make it”? And what even is “making it” to me anymore? I feel like there are so many questions rolling around in my head about whether I should stay or go or abandon this particular dream altogether! I love to perform, but do I love it enough to spend years on end occupying foreign hotel rooms by myself, flying to a new city every 6 weeks to perform a show and forge relationships with people I may never see again, over and over and over again? How important is my desire for a family? Do I want or expect a husband or children to follow me where I go?

 

These are just a few of the ramblings that have come loose from my brain in the past few months, and that I felt I needed to release ‘on paper’ so to speak. I think I’ll be frequenting this space a lot more, now that I’ve rediscovered it.

 

And as always, I’d love to hear your thoughts- be they on changing careers, making difficult decisions, or how to start your 401K. Yes, #adulting is now happening BIG TIME.

 

Love,

Happiness Starts Here

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No fooling me, April

Happy April!

No big jokes to kick off this post, but I am SUPER glad that it’s finally a new month. I am lumping in new month with new weather because I refuse to accept that potential rain or, god forbid, snow and sleet will interfere with my plans to begin wearing shorts and dresses again. I love my winter boots, but I think we can all agree that I need to start wearing something else now.

To recap, this weekend was just fabulous. My brother was here and we laughed and joked like maniacs, went to the gym a whole bunch (my arms are still struggling to coordinate typing on my phone right now…) and ate some awesome food with lovely friends. Did I mention we totally YOLO-ed and got tattoos on Saturday?
We wound down our weekend by renting American Hustle to watch at home Sunday night and it was so frustrating and stressful and yet a wonderful movie. And the celebrity-laden cast may have helped take my love for it up a few notches. Christian Bale was UNrecognizable. Props to him for serious commitment to his roles!

Now that I’m on my own again, I have to admit it feels a little lonely, but I have a lot of fun memories to play over in my head. And my pals to distract me here. They did a good job of it yesterday since we got dinner at my favorite Cambridge eatery (Life Alive) and saw a really impressive performance of Die Schone Mullerin at the Dean’s House, followed by some antics at Target to buy soap and popcorn. You know, the usual stuff.

This weekend has made me feel like home is a little bit closer and spring actually is right around the corner. I hope you had an awesome weekend too!

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Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Siblings reunite!

Happy Friday!

This morning started early, but for a great reason! My brother flew in from California to visit me for the weekend and I couldn’t be happier. πŸ™‚

So far, we’ve hit the gym (obviously a must when we are together), eaten at Root and later had delicious Indian takeout for dinner, stopped by BU so I could get a coaching in, and visited around the Prudential Center. I would’ve liked to do more outside but this weather isn’t being very cooperative, and the forecast is announcing rain all weekend… Not to mention he hasn’t slept since Wednesday night because he took the red-eye out of Cali! But I’m just happy he’s here to hang out with me and let me take him around to all my favorite Boston spots.

The rest of our weekend involves plans to go to the wharf, dinner and a recital with some of my friends, birthday drinks, and any other shenanigans we get up to. πŸ˜‰

Have a great weekend!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Going out in style

Happy Saturday friends!!

I was MIA last night because I went out with some friends to get drinks to celebrate the weekend! And may have ended up staying out way past my usual bedtime…. But it was totally worth it. I don’t have any absolute plans for the day besides doing some homework, paperwork and getting ready for a date tonight. And who am I kidding, that’ll take all day to prepare for! Jk. πŸ˜‰ I might be one of the most low-maintenance gals I know, and can easily get ready to go out in about 20-25 minutes. I consider it a talent!

Anyone share my pet peeve for people who take forEVER to get ready to leave the house? I mean seriously, how long does it take to put on a shirt and pants and shoes??

I hope you’re having a great weekend!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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The final stretch

Safely arrived on the east coast after a long day of travel, but I am happy to be back and looking forward to kicking off the week with my classes tomorrow as well as work later this week.

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Miss her so much already but I know I’ll be home again before I know it!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Not perfect

Tomorrow I am finally heading back to California! It’s been a pretty good week filled with productivity and I am really looking forward to being home for a while to just take it easy, enjoy my parents, and cook some really delicious vegan meals for them!
I’m also crossing my fingers that my best friend will make a short trip up to San Francisco for a couple days while I’m home, so we have a chance to see each other and catch up. The situation would really be perfect because then I’d get to see her for a weekend as well as see my brother at the end of March when he comes to visit me in Boston!

On a more serious note, sometimes I feel like I really over analyze things; like something I heard my room mate say, or a few words I said in passing that could have been misinterpreted by the listener. As frustrating and bothersome as those things can be, I really just end up creating an even bigger headache for myself by fixating on something I overheard and very likely took to mean something much worse than it actually did. I like to think of myself as having a pretty thick skin, but maybe after years of beating myself up about my own flaws, I’ve become too critical of myself. Perhaps I’m not the best room mate in the world and I don’t like taking out the trash, maybe I care a little too much what certain people think of me, and maybe I’m a little too worried about my future. Those are all things that make up who I am, but they don’t make me a horrible person, and they just make me uniquely me.

What are you taking ownership of today?
I might not be perfect, but at least I’m trying to do what’s right for me and what makes me happy!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Slow down

It’s been a while since I’ve felt as exhausted as I did this morning when my alarm woke me up at 6. This past week of late night rehearsals, followed by early mornings at work and long days of traveling back and forth across town have really taken it out of me. My body was crying out for rest and relaxation today and although I was able to power through another busy day, I am so thankful to be heading home and to know that tomorrow I won’t have rehearsal OR work to attend to with the exception of one class. Tomorrow is my day to recharge my batteries because I feel like I’ve been functioning at way below optimal levels. I’ve found it so much harder to remain positive and energized, which is usually easy and natural for me. I know I can’t just keep going like this, so this day of rest is coming at the perfect time.

How do you know it’s time to recharge? How do you deal with stress?

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Snow day!

Hello and happy Wednesday!

Late last night I was still up after having been drawn into the documentary about veganism, Vegucated, and I was up wayyy past my bedtime. As I was getting ready for bed I noticed I had a couple new emails, and to my extreme surprise and delight, school was cancelled for the entire day! Excuse my Californian side showing, but this is the first time I’ve ever experienced school being closed because of the weather!

So today the only excursion that caused me to leave the house was a trip to my therapist’s office, but it was SO worth it. I have some new and exciting thoughts brewing about my future, but I’m not quite ready to share them yet. I definitely will when the time is right. πŸ™‚

For now, I’m off to enjoy The Devil wears Prada, because…. Meryl Streep. Is. Divine.

Happy snow day!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Margarita Friday

Happy Friday!!

My day was filled with yoga, pizza, rehearsals and spending time with great friends! I am so thankful it’s the weekend and was able to de-stress at the end of the week over margaritas with my girlfriend. I am thankful for the balance I have found in my life that allows me to enjoy chipotle burritos, slices of gourmet pizzas, fewer hours of sleep and more hours of socializing, without guilt. What is life if I’m not able to enjoy the everyday moments of laughter and messiness?

I hope you have a silly and fun-filled weekend!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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