I kind of can’t believe I wrote the previous post back in January, I feel like I had jumped ship a while ago and I’m just happily surprised this little space still exists.
I hate to be redundant, but again a lot of things have changed since I last posted. I’m still at the same job with the same hours, and I am still a humble student of yoga, trying to stay sane through lifestyle shifts. Some things feel really good right now- I just snagged a church job that I’ll be starting in the fall with a wonderfully sweet community, and I have finally nailed down my living situation for the next year as well.
Singing has definitely been on the back burner, but continues to simmer away with thought of returning to school for a performance diploma prominent in my mind. That and auditions for Young Artist Programs, as well as taking a couple weeks at the end of the year for an artistic retreat-style program. There are so many possibilities ahead of me that I’m almost paralyzed by the thought of all of them…
I landed at a pretty significant realization this morning, that was centered around my current relationship, but really applies in all aspects of my life.
Nothing is certain and anything could change at any time. But instead of seeing this as a limiting belief that could really paralyze me, it’s like a glorious awakening to possibility. Nothing is guaranteed and therefore everything is sacred and should be enjoyed and experienced in the moment. Energy shouldn’t be wasted on the what-if’s or shouldn’ts or couldn’ts, and that is a beautiful realization. This is not new information, but the way I am processing it is akin to flipping a 180 on the road. It’s always been there, I just wasn’t looking in the right direction. I’m not trying to get crazy existentialist over here, but this newfound understanding is helping me release some of the doubts that have crept into my head.
Of course I could spend hours worrying about what will happen tomorrow or 3 weeks or 10 years from now, but that doesn’t actually do anything. It doesn’t prepare me for the way I’ll react if I have a wonderful pregnancy one day, or on the flipside if I have a miscarriage (Only examples, of course). But what is DOES do is rob today of the wonderful experience that is RIGHT NOW. And the excitement that could come from a phone call with a friend, or a surprise visit from a loved one. Or even something as simple as getting on my yoga mat and leading myself through a personal practice because I know that is what my body is craving.
I want to live unabashedly here and now, even though my anxieties try to wrench me into the future or drag me back into the past. But it’s ultimately MY decision. And I choose to be here.
I’m not sure when I’ll be back on this site, but I hope I won’t neglect it for quite so long again.
Thanks for reading and I’d love to hear from you.
Happiness Starts Here