Monthly Archives: April 2014

I’m still here!

Hey there!

Wow it’s been a loooong time since I’ve blogged! I am tempted to apologize for being MIA, but at the same time I’m totally not sorry.

I have been living my life and going with the flow, be it impromptu movie nights with my friends, lunch with the boy, or any other sort of fun I can think up. I’ve been pretty productive too, working on music for my end-of-year jury in a couple weeks, and I’ve been feeling pretty dang awesome about my voice.

Although I wasn’t really in any shows this semester, many of my good friends were, and experiencing it through their eyes helped me feel a little bit closer to the whole process.

The truth is, I’ve thought about blogging several times since I’ve put it on hold, but more often than not, when I’m having an issue I used to feel like writing about- now my go-to is to talk it out with someone. Not to say that my problems have somehow vanished into mid-air, but I don’t feel like blogging about them is what I really need right now.

I hope to continue updating here occasionally, but I think it may end up being less frequent than before: maybe once or twice a week.

I hope you’re having a really marvelous Sunday and celebrating Easter, or 4/20, or just the beautiful sunshine.

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Open the door and let someone in

So I have clearly been absent recently on the blog but I’ve been doing this amazing thing called living. Just enjoying the moments as they are happening and not trying to think so much about the future.

Today however, I find myself getting way to much into my own head. I am over-analyzing my newly budding relationship and thinking about the past relationships I’ve been in. I am comparing and zeroing in on what I seem to consider flaws and trying to understand which relationship is the “right” one. I know this is completely silly because I can’t know how things will work out in the end, but I keep trying to categorize this relationship so I can put it into its own tidy, little box.

I guess the not-knowing aspect is what is really scaring me, but I sense myself pushing the limits to see what I can get away with, in a way.

After getting some really good insight from my therapist, I think the biggest issue I’m having is that I don’t want anyone to have to take care of me. I am incredibly independent and pretty driven, and I feel like doing anything less than everything makes me weak. But, one of the most fundamental parts of being in a relationship is being able to let someone else take care of you, and them allowing you to reciprocate. I’m afraid of being vulnerable and letting anyone else in because I’m scared they might not like everything they end up finding out. I don’t want to take the easy way out and sabotage myself before I even have a chance to experience what a really good relationship could be. I want to really take a leap of faith and risk a negative outcome because otherwise I won’t ever know how amazing the positive outcome could be.

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Growing my own confidence

Thursday is finally here and it’s been a hectic week, but in the best way possible. I’ve been enjoying some really great coachings and have felt so great about my voice! I feel like I have earned this successful week and it’s giving me a bit more confidence in my singing. The end of the semester is approaching quickly and having my jury in a month is helping me stay focused and moving forward.

Luckily, I’ve also made time to catch up with an old high school classmate at lunch today and have enjoyed several coffee dates this week with a certain someone. Teaching has continued to feel easier and the lesson I taught tonight (my last for the week!) totally flew by! Hopefully that means I’m getting better… 😉

Happy Thursday!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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No fooling me, April

Happy April!

No big jokes to kick off this post, but I am SUPER glad that it’s finally a new month. I am lumping in new month with new weather because I refuse to accept that potential rain or, god forbid, snow and sleet will interfere with my plans to begin wearing shorts and dresses again. I love my winter boots, but I think we can all agree that I need to start wearing something else now.

To recap, this weekend was just fabulous. My brother was here and we laughed and joked like maniacs, went to the gym a whole bunch (my arms are still struggling to coordinate typing on my phone right now…) and ate some awesome food with lovely friends. Did I mention we totally YOLO-ed and got tattoos on Saturday?
We wound down our weekend by renting American Hustle to watch at home Sunday night and it was so frustrating and stressful and yet a wonderful movie. And the celebrity-laden cast may have helped take my love for it up a few notches. Christian Bale was UNrecognizable. Props to him for serious commitment to his roles!

Now that I’m on my own again, I have to admit it feels a little lonely, but I have a lot of fun memories to play over in my head. And my pals to distract me here. They did a good job of it yesterday since we got dinner at my favorite Cambridge eatery (Life Alive) and saw a really impressive performance of Die Schone Mullerin at the Dean’s House, followed by some antics at Target to buy soap and popcorn. You know, the usual stuff.

This weekend has made me feel like home is a little bit closer and spring actually is right around the corner. I hope you had an awesome weekend too!

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Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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