Monthly Archives: February 2014

Seeking help

Thursday is finally here and the weekend is closer than it’s ever been!

It was another busy day for me but I met with a nutritionist for the first time amidst work, classes and rehearsal, and I am really excited about our first meeting. I had toyed with the idea of seeking a nutritionist’s guidance previously, but not until recently did I realize how important it was for me to work with someone who could help me heal my relationship with food.

I’ve done ALOT of work myself to try to get to a better place with it, but no matter how hard I tried, there were still parts of myself holding me back. I am fed up with letting food and restricting thoughts get the better of me and rule my life. There are SO many things I’d rather think about in a day than how many calories I should eat even though I didn’t work out that day. I am passionate about a huge variety of things, from singing to learning to teaching to hiking to cooking and baking, just to name a few, and I don’t want to waste time worrying and obsessing over food when I know I could (with work) make it into a simple, ordinary thing that just happens to be part of my day-to-day life. I felt like the nutritionist I met with really heard everything I was saying and is going to take into account all the aspects of why I want to grow and is going to help me make the changes I so desperately want to.

I’m sure I will update on how this process goes for me, but if you want to share any of your own experiences seeing a nutritionist, or have any questions about how I decided to see one, feel free to let me know. šŸ™‚


Happiness Starts Here

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This morning I had my longest shift at work, and probably the most rewarding. I never believed I was the kind of person who could teach but I’m finding out just how fun and exhilarating it can be to work with students and to help them improve their language skills.

I always became quite close with teachers as I went through school since I really loved and respected the learning process, but I didn’t realize how cool it would be to be on the other side. So far, even though it’s not all easy, I’m loving it!

Though today was filled with a bit of running around between Back Bay, to school, to Cambridge and finally home, I’m really enjoying being busy and finding a purpose everyday. I even managed to get in a speedy weightlifting session at the gym between work and class!

The cherry on top was definitely that I only waited about 2 minutes for my bus to take me home tonight, even though my phone had died and I had no way of knowing if I was early, had just missed it, or was in for a 45-minute wait outside. Even though I was bummed my phone ran out of battery about 3 hours before I was heading home, I’m really glad it did. Stopping at the Co-Op in Cambridge, I talked to my checkout cashier about the kombucha they brew on site and got a smile out of him. Later when I was on the bus, I smiled and made faces at a cute little girl in her stroller with her mom nearby, and she waved and smiled back. I know I’m usually totally caught up in my phone, especially on public transportation, but I just appreciated sitting in the bus, taking in all the different people around me, and wishing that we could all just put down our phones sometimes and connect with each other. I’m thankful for the reminder to not let myself get bogged down too much by all my high-tech gadgets, and to experience life as it is happening right this second.

Happiness Starts Here

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Game of Thrones!!

12 hours away from home and I was very happy to finally make it back tonight after a long day. Although it could have easily dragged on, I feel like I got so much done that it flew by!

I worked this morning, had several classes, worked on a group project, rehearsal, sat in on another teacher’s class this evening and finally went to support my friend auditioning for a competition. He did so well and all of us who were in the audience listened with our jaws dropped, so proud of his hard work.

And to end the day a little mindlessly, I’m watching a couple episodes of Game of Thrones…. Yes, I have officially become addicted and YES you should start watching it now. (It’s available on HBO on demand online!!) Daenerys Targeryan is my absolute favorite woman ever and I totally want to be her. Um… Halloween 2014 you just found your match. šŸ™‚

from here

Do you watch Game of Thrones? If so, who’s your favorite character?
My friends have been telling me for over a year that I needed to start watching and I’m SO excited I finally did!!

Happiness Starts Here

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Another one bites the dust

I get my life back today!

Oftentimes during a production, I feel nostalgic and a bit sad when it’s over, but despite the gorgeous music, I’m not sad to see it go. I’m working every day this week so I’m looking forward to at least having evenings off again to get some decent sleep again. šŸ™‚

After our last show, I grabbed drinks with a couple friends at our favorite margarita place to celebrate a successful run of the opera. Naturally we got to gossip and do all the things girls do.

Even though spring break is only a couple short weeks away, I already feel freer tonight and will happily continue enjoying my friends and of course margaritas until I get to fly home to the land of happy hour, gorgeous sunsets, and 70 degree weather.

Happiness Starts Here

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Show time

Happy weekend!

Today has been absolutely relaxing and perfect- I slept in, did yoga and went grocery shopping so I have plenty of food for the rest of the week.

Currently in our second to last performance with my room mates in the audience, can’t wait to see what they think of this show!


Hope you’re enjoying your weekend!

Happiness Starts Here

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Opening night!

Woohoo! Opening night is finally here! We had a great first run of the opera this evening and I’m really proud of all my colleagues’ hard work throughout this rehearsal process.

Pre-rehearsal treated myself to my new favorite vegan Whole Foods panini- The Garden, with grilled veggies, tomato, basil, mustard and vegan cheese on a toasted baguette! Can you say YUM?!

I’ve got work in the morning and a long day to follow but then it’s the weekend!! So I’ll leave you with a little opera selfie from backstage.


Happiness Starts Here

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Wednesday things

A great voice lesson.

No rehearsals.

Clean sheets to sleep on.

Showering right before bed in the winter makes me inexplicably happy.

Skyping with my mom and getting all my grad school frustrations out. (And seeing her smiling face reminding me I get to go home in 2 weeks!)

Homemade popcorn on the stove.

Texting about how to avoid classes we’d rather skip.

Going for a walk in the rain.

So many things to be thankful for today.

Happiness Starts Here

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Slow down

It’s been a while since I’ve felt as exhausted as I did this morning when my alarm woke me up at 6. This past week of late night rehearsals, followed by early mornings at work and long days of traveling back and forth across town have really taken it out of me. My body was crying out for rest and relaxation today and although I was able to power through another busy day, I am so thankful to be heading home and to know that tomorrow I won’t have rehearsal OR work to attend to with the exception of one class. Tomorrow is my day to recharge my batteries because I feel like I’ve been functioning at way below optimal levels. I’ve found it so much harder to remain positive and energized, which is usually easy and natural for me. I know I can’t just keep going like this, so this day of rest is coming at the perfect time.

How do you know it’s time to recharge? How do you deal with stress?

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Sleep right!

Happy Monday!

I had a pretty good first day of work this morning followed by a gym sesh- so glad I thought to pack my gym clothes in my bag just in case I had the energy to get in a run after work.
My evening again included a long rehearsal but I am really thankful I was released early- at 10 rather than 11! Knowing I’m going to be up early again tomorrow for work, that extra hour is definitely not going to waste.

Happiness Starts Here

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All the questions and not a lot of answers

This week, I’ve been reading a book that’s definitely made its rounds in the world of disordered eating, and it’s not much of a surprise why. I’m talking about, “Living Without Ed” by Jenni Schaefer and Thom Rutledge. Ed is a way Jenni and her therapist devised to separate herself from her eating disorder. She began to treat her E.D. as the person, Ed, and shares her stories of recovery and her breakthroughs. Reading this has come at a really good time for me, since I’ve been needing a little extra support.

This week was a difficult one because I was more stressed than usual, and with all the uncertainty I’ve been facing regarding my life after graduation, I just could not for the life of me figure out how to calm down. So, I started looking at what I was eating, over-thinking the exercise I was doing, trying to control the things that in the past would have made me feel better. But in the midst of feeling a tiny bit of relief at being in control, I was also terrified that the issues I’ve tried so hard to get rid of, are coming back and are going to get the better of me.

I talked to my therapist on Wednesday about this and luckily she was able to help me see what was actually going on. It didn’t have to do so much with me hating the way I look and the fact that I don’t wear the same sized pants that I used to, but that I wasn’t in control of what my schedule was going to look like for the next few weeks, and that I am still not sure what to do after I graduate. I’ve been grasping at several different straws and each one seems like exactly the right one for a few days, and then I start to doubt whether it’s right or not. Then another idea comes along and that one now seems SO much better than anything else, so I feel like I finally know what I’m doing- but then my insecurity creeps right back in and says I’m probably wrong. Or that I’m taking the easy way out. Or that I’m unmotivated. Or that I need to try harder and be better. Or that I should just suck it up and keep doing what I’ve always done and stop questioning my future.

The thing is, as my therapist helped me see, it’s actually a good thing that I’m keeping such an open mind. It means I’m open to changes and to figuring out what is going to make me happy in the long run and I’m thinking about my real life priorities. Like having a family one day, and living in the same place for most of the year, and having a semi-regular day-to-day job where I can help people in some way. Music is what I’ve been doing FOR-EV-ER and IĀ do love it, but will it be enough for me at the end of the day when I’m 35, still single, and still totally in debt? Maybe I’m being too pessimistic and should look on the bright side more, but I just think I’m being realistic. How can I really know what the rest of my life will look like when I’m only 22? And how can I really know what I’ll want when I’m 35?

All I feel like I have right now is questions, and so few answers. I’m trying to remember that it’s ok not to have them though, and to just focus on what’s happening right now and giving myself completely to the present. As a semi control freak I guess that’s easier said than done! šŸ™‚

I hope you’re having a marvelous long weekend with Monday off tomorrow! I’m starting work early in the morning so unfortunately it’s only a 2-day weekend for me, but I’m going to enjoy my last couple hours before it ends anyways.


Happiness Starts Here

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