Monthly Archives: December 2013

As 2013 comes to a close…

Today I’m happy about: saying goodbye to an incredible 2013 and hello to what I know will be a wonderful 2014!

This year was filled with a lot of change for me… I graduated from college (UCLA Bruin forever!), turned 22, and worked several summer jobs.

I decided to move across the country to Boston to get my Master’s Degree in Music, and followed my passion for performing rather than staying home and taking the easy way out.

I let a sub-par relationship fade out of my life and fell in love with someone new but decided to end that relationship because I wanted to do some growing of my own.

One of the things I’m most proud of myself for facing this year was my disordered eating and exercise, and my dwindling self-confidence because of depression and anxiety. In September I decided to face those things head-on, by seeing a psychiatrist as well as a therapist, who I have continued to see weekly. But the most important part of this decision was that I decided I WANTED to leave all those things behind. My issues with good had consumed me for so many years and had ruined many experiences, relationships and opportunities for me, and I was tired of being a backseat driver in my own life.

I can confidently say I haven’t felt this good and truly myself in at least 4 years and I am so thankful for the support I’ve had to get me to where I am today. I know it was far from being easy, and there is still a long way to go, but after seeing how much I really feel I have flourished and been reborn over the past few months, I know that 2014 will be a year of continued growth and journey towards self-love.

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I hope you all have a beautiful and safe New Year’s Eve celebration, regardless of what you’ll be doing! We’re having friends over for cocktails, then heading to a fancy 5-course dinner at a French restaurant- and I am going to thoroughly enjoy the moments I can share with my favorite people, savor every single morsel of delicious food- and wine!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR AND SEE YOU IN 2014!!!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Care packages and guilty pleasures

Today I’m happy about: finally mailing a care package to my friend in Chicago, and having a delicious take-out lunch from whole foods with mom. I always love receiving care packages and I wanted to share the holiday spirit with a couple friends- so more packages will be going out in the next few weeks!

I am also super guilty of watching a few too many episodes of Millionaire Matchmaker and Bravo’s Real Housewives of Beverly Hills…. Nothing like some ridiculous reality TV to take a break from studying the skeletal system and optimal resistance training exercises. 🙂

Happy Marvelous Monday!!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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CPT, yes I will be!

Today I’m happy about: being able to schedule my CPR/AED certification and NASM personal trainer exam for next week! I started the course over the summer and had nearly lost hope of being able to take (and hopefully pass!!) the exam before my deadline of January 7th, but it turns out I will be able to take, but just barely!
So now my supposed relaxing break has taken a sharp turn and I will be hitting the books HARD for the next 8 days in order to learn the ins and outs of being a great personal trainer. Wish me luck!!

Thankfully I also enjoyed a luxuriously long brunch with my family at some wonderful friends’ holiday party, so I feel prepared to buckle down! (And my festive outfit has kept me cozy and warm all day too!)

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Hope your Sunday’s been lovely!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Hanging out

Today I’m happy about: grabbing brunch with my brother at our favorite spot. The waiter even remembered us from all our visits throughout the years!

Happy Saturday!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Chili time!

Today I’m happy about: being able to cook my brother and family a delicious dinner of homemade chili and cornbread! Making chili is one of my favorite things because it’s so flexible, and my brother had yet to try mine so I am really excited that he liked it so much. He’s even bringing some of the leftovers to two of our good friends he’s seeing later. 🙂

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I’m also happy about sharing the little moments with my mom over this winter break, like folding our laundry together. It’s something I remember doing all the time with her when I was younger and doing it now really brought me back.

I hope you’re having a great Friday night and enjoying a well-deserved break from work or school or whatever your usual obligations are. 🙂

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Merry Christmas!

Today I’m happy about: celebrating Christmas with my family.

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I hope you’re enjoying your day with loved ones and great eats!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

In the spirit of sharing

Today I’m happy about: being fortunate enough to celebrate Christmas Eve with my family! After a full-on feast for my brother’s bday yesterday, we’re taking a more relaxed approach to dinner tonight and getting a lot of our wrapping done this afternoon.

Now amidst all that I am grateful for, I’ going to get a little deep here. As I have been pretty honest about previously, I have struggled with disordered eating for many years and over the past 3 months I have made huge strides in recovering and getting in touch with my body by eating intuitively, as well as trying to exercise intuitively. Today I had a fantastic crossfit-inspired workout at the gym and felt so proud of myself and strong while there and even upon coming home. However, when I got back I did an “ab check” to see how my stomach was looking. Now, my body is not one that gets visible abs unless I’m severely underweight and at a body day percentage that would be incredibly detrimental to my overall health.

Over the past couple months that I’ve been trying to eat intuitively, I have gained some weight. Probably between 5-8 pounds and I know it was healthy weight to gain. However, now when I look in the mirror, I see the much larger girl I once was (I lost 35 pounds in my first year or college), and I feel horrible about myself. Despite the incredible strength I am building in the gym and my improved singing as I’ve begun to fuel my body more appropriately, I still feel that I am not enough. My body is not thin enough, or muscular enough, and I hate that I feel that way.

This is such a disordered way of thinking, and I am grateful that I can at least recognize it. Although I have been struggling with these feelings more recently, since I’ve been home and I am not able to control every little thing, I am also beginning to see the light in a different direction. If my body decides that weighing a few more pounds is where it feels best, then it will settle on a weight itself, without my overly obsessive control over it. By listening to my body and treating it with respect, it will naturally gravitate towards a happy and healthy weight that I can maintain with my lifestyle.

I’ve also been able to look at this obsession with weight through a different viewpoint, since my happiness has been so exponentially higher in the past few months. The truth is, weighing less will not truly make me happier. Fitting into a smaller pair of pants will not make me a nicer or more thoughtful person, and my friends won’t like me any more or less. I have spent too much time trying to achieve an aesthetic that is not maintainable, nor healthy, and I have sacrificed wonderful moments I could have enjoyed with family and friends, but chose to opt out of for fear of losing control and gaining 20 pounds in one evening (because that’s not ridiculous thinking right!?).

I choose to celebrate my life everyday and bask in the power my body has to perform difficult workouts, to hug my friends, to laugh hysterically with my brother, to sing at the top of my lungs, to run half marathons, to travel to foreign places, to practice yoga, to share my love and appreciation for life. I don’t want to be controlled by a disorder that has no place in my current life. It took over for many years, but I refuse to lose any more precious minutes giving in to the negativity.

I may not be where I want with my love of my body quite yet, but I know I am on the right path, and I am excited for the future and the continued freedom from the negativity, that I deserve.

I hope you all have a beautiful holiday, whether you celebrate Christmas or not, this is a time to be with the ones you love and to share traditions and be joyful.

Thank you so much to all you who stop by and take a few minutes to read this little blog. I am so happy to be able to share my story with you. Warmest wishes to you and yours!!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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He’s all grown up!

Today I’m happy about: celebrating my brother’s 20th birthday!! I am beyond happy that he’s finally home from school and that I get to have my partner in crime back. We had a great workout at the gym with our two best buds and our family surprised him at dinner with those guys joining us! What a wonderful night, we shut down the restaurant just talking and having a great time. 🙂

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Hope you had a marvelous Monday!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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In the sweet sunshine

Today I’m happy about: going for my first run in so long! It’s definitely too cold for me to run outside in Boston (I mean, below freezing? Hello, no thanks!!) but I was seriously looking forward to going for a run back in California and I pushed myself through 4.25 miles in the gorgeous sunshine! Followed by a trip to the farmers market and I was a happy camper.

We have out first holiday party tonight so I’m excited to get dressed up and look a little fancier.
What’s your go-to party outfit? I feel like anything red with a pop of gold jewelry looks so festive. 🙂

Happy Sunday!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Second Thoughts

Today I’m happy about: spending the afternoon holiday shopping with my mom. I had a great workout after a relaxed morning, but after lunch today I ate some extra challah bread that I had freshly baked yesterday (and that is one of my FAVORITE things!) but I felt guilty about eating it afterwards. At first I was disappointed in myself for allowing those negative and unhelpful thoughts in, but the more I think about it, I have come such a LONG way from 3 months ago when I began my intuitive saying journey and I should feel proud of myself rather than focusing on my small struggles.

Three months ago I would never have been able to go out to dinner and split a pizza with my mom AND enjoy wine with it, guilt-free, but this week I did exactly that and I had such a wonderful time! I am constantly evolving and becoming more aware of what I want and need instead of allowing my brain to take over and control everything.

I am incredibly thankful to be home and to be able to spend so much quality time with my mom, and with other friends who have returned for the break, and I am going to continue fully enjoying my time and my experiences here rather than focusing on the things I don’t do perfectly. I am happy and healthy and so happy to be alive in this wonderful world.

Happy Saturday!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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