When you just need some writing therapy

I kind of can’t believe I wrote the previous post back in January, I feel like I had jumped ship a while ago and I’m just happily surprised this little space still exists.

I hate to be redundant, but again a lot of things have changed since I last posted. I’m still at the same job with the same hours, and I am still a humble student of yoga, trying to stay sane through lifestyle shifts. Some things feel really good right now- I just snagged a church job that I’ll be starting in the fall with a wonderfully sweet community, and I have finally nailed down my living situation for the next year as well.

Singing has definitely been on the back burner, but continues to simmer away with thought of returning to school for a performance diploma prominent in my mind. That and auditions for Young Artist Programs, as well as taking a couple weeks at the end of the year for an artistic retreat-style program. There are so many possibilities ahead of me that I’m almost paralyzed by the thought of all of them…

I landed at a pretty significant realization this morning, that was centered around my current relationship, but really applies in all aspects of my life.

Nothing is certain and anything could change at any time. But instead of seeing this as a limiting belief that could really paralyze me, it’s like a glorious awakening to possibility. Nothing is guaranteed and therefore everything is sacred and should be enjoyed and experienced in the moment. Energy shouldn’t be wasted on the what-if’s or shouldn’ts or couldn’ts, and that is a beautiful realization. This is not new information, but the way I am processing it is akin to flipping a 180 on the road. It’s always been there, I just wasn’t looking in the right direction. I’m not trying to get crazy existentialist over here, but this newfound understanding is helping me release some of the doubts that have crept into my head.

Of course I could spend hours worrying about what will happen tomorrow or 3 weeks or 10 years from now, but that doesn’t actually do anything. It doesn’t prepare me for the way I’ll react if I have a wonderful pregnancy one day, or on the flipside if I have a miscarriage (Only examples, of course). But what is DOES do is rob today of the wonderful experience that is RIGHT NOW. And the excitement that could come from a phone call with a friend, or a surprise visit from a loved one. Or even something as simple as getting on my yoga mat and leading myself through a personal practice because I know that is what my body is craving.


I want to live unabashedly here and now, even though my anxieties try to wrench me into the future or drag me back into the past. But it’s ultimately MY decision. And I choose to be here.


I’m not sure when I’ll be back on this site, but I hope I won’t neglect it for quite so long again.

Thanks for reading and I’d love to hear from you.


Happiness Starts Here

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It’s been a while…

And a while, it certainly has.

My last entry here was almost 2 years ago, and my what a lot has changed. I kind of stumbled back onto this blog by chance as I was scrolling through my feed on BlogLovin and was happily surprised that I had not deleted it.

Some things are still the same, like my love for singing and performing, my devotion to working out, my struggle to be myself and own my journey, but I’m done with school and now working full time. That has proved to be a struggle in and of itself- I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that transitioning from being a student for over 16 years, to joining the workplace and becoming entirely financially independent, is no small feat! Now rather than forcing myself to workout in ways that make me unhappy, I’ve maintained a regular yoga practice for the past 8 months.Β It helps keep me centered and has really allowed me to embrace mindfulness and (try to!) come from a place of kindness when I am being hard on myself.

I’m still in Boston, and fortunate to be living with my best friend, but I’m beginning to wonder if this is the city I want to stay in. Yes, I have a stable job and living situation, but based on my less-than-stellar past audition season, am I really in the best location to maximize my opportunities to “make it”? And what even is “making it” to me anymore? I feel like there are so many questions rolling around in my head about whether I should stay or go or abandon this particular dream altogether! I love to perform, but do I love it enough to spend years on end occupying foreign hotel rooms by myself, flying to a new city every 6 weeks to perform a show and forge relationships with people I may never see again, over and over and over again? How important is my desire for a family? Do I want or expect a husband or children to follow me where I go?


These are just a few of the ramblings that have come loose from my brain in the past few months, and that I felt I needed to release ‘on paper’ so to speak. I think I’ll be frequenting this space a lot more, now that I’ve rediscovered it.


And as always, I’d love to hear your thoughts- be they on changing careers, making difficult decisions, or how to start your 401K. Yes, #adulting is now happening BIG TIME.



Happiness Starts Here

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I’m still here!

Hey there!

Wow it’s been a loooong time since I’ve blogged! I am tempted to apologize for being MIA, but at the same time I’m totally not sorry.

I have been living my life and going with the flow, be it impromptu movie nights with my friends, lunch with the boy, or any other sort of fun I can think up. I’ve been pretty productive too, working on music for my end-of-year jury in a couple weeks, and I’ve been feeling pretty dang awesome about my voice.

Although I wasn’t really in any shows this semester, many of my good friends were, and experiencing it through their eyes helped me feel a little bit closer to the whole process.

The truth is, I’ve thought about blogging several times since I’ve put it on hold, but more often than not, when I’m having an issue I used to feel like writing about- now my go-to is to talk it out with someone. Not to say that my problems have somehow vanished into mid-air, but I don’t feel like blogging about them is what I really need right now.

I hope to continue updating here occasionally, but I think it may end up being less frequent than before: maybe once or twice a week.

I hope you’re having a really marvelous Sunday and celebrating Easter, or 4/20, or just the beautiful sunshine.

Happiness Starts Here

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Open the door and let someone in

So I have clearly been absent recently on the blog but I’ve been doing this amazing thing called living. Just enjoying the moments as they are happening and not trying to think so much about the future.

Today however, I find myself getting way to much into my own head. I am over-analyzing my newly budding relationship and thinking about the past relationships I’ve been in. I am comparing and zeroing in on what I seem to consider flaws and trying to understand which relationship is the “right” one. I know this is completely silly because I can’t know how things will work out in the end, but I keep trying to categorize this relationship so I can put it into its own tidy, little box.

I guess the not-knowing aspect is what is really scaring me, but I sense myself pushing the limits to see what I can get away with, in a way.

After getting some really good insight from my therapist, I think the biggest issue I’m having is that I don’t want anyone to have to take care of me. I am incredibly independent and pretty driven, and I feel like doing anything less than everything makes me weak. But, one of the most fundamental parts of being in a relationship is being able to let someone else take care of you, and them allowing you to reciprocate. I’m afraid of being vulnerable and letting anyone else in because I’m scared they might not like everything they end up finding out. I don’t want to take the easy way out and sabotage myself before I even have a chance to experience what a really good relationship could be. I want to really take a leap of faith and risk a negative outcome because otherwise I won’t ever know how amazing the positive outcome could be.

Happiness Starts Here

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Growing my own confidence

Thursday is finally here and it’s been a hectic week, but in the best way possible. I’ve been enjoying some really great coachings and have felt so great about my voice! I feel like I have earned this successful week and it’s giving me a bit more confidence in my singing. The end of the semester is approaching quickly and having my jury in a month is helping me stay focused and moving forward.

Luckily, I’ve also made time to catch up with an old high school classmate at lunch today and have enjoyed several coffee dates this week with a certain someone. Teaching has continued to feel easier and the lesson I taught tonight (my last for the week!) totally flew by! Hopefully that means I’m getting better…πŸ˜‰

Happy Thursday!

Happiness Starts Here

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No fooling me, April

Happy April!

No big jokes to kick off this post, but I am SUPER glad that it’s finally a new month. I am lumping in new month with new weather because I refuse to accept that potential rain or, god forbid, snow and sleet will interfere with my plans to begin wearing shorts and dresses again. I love my winter boots, but I think we can all agree that I need to start wearing something else now.

To recap, this weekend was just fabulous. My brother was here and we laughed and joked like maniacs, went to the gym a whole bunch (my arms are still struggling to coordinate typing on my phone right now…) and ate some awesome food with lovely friends. Did I mention we totally YOLO-ed and got tattoos on Saturday?
We wound down our weekend by renting American Hustle to watch at home Sunday night and it was so frustrating and stressful and yet a wonderful movie. And the celebrity-laden cast may have helped take my love for it up a few notches. Christian Bale was UNrecognizable. Props to him for serious commitment to his roles!

Now that I’m on my own again, I have to admit it feels a little lonely, but I have a lot of fun memories to play over in my head. And my pals to distract me here. They did a good job of it yesterday since we got dinner at my favorite Cambridge eatery (Life Alive) and saw a really impressive performance of Die Schone Mullerin at the Dean’s House, followed by some antics at Target to buy soap and popcorn. You know, the usual stuff.

This weekend has made me feel like home is a little bit closer and spring actually is right around the corner. I hope you had an awesome weekend too!






Happiness Starts Here

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Saturday, you’re looking mighty fine

What a lovely, but rainy day in Boston!
We started our day with a great workout for me, and some sleeping in for my brother (13+ hours, I’m impressed!) and then headed to brunch at Allston Diner. I swear I ate the most amazing tofu scramble of my life there! It was life-changing and I’ve been raving about it all day to my brother so I have to talk about it here.

Vegan breakfast with tofu scramble (mushrooms, spinach and sundried tomatoes), side salad with herb vinaigrette and toasted English muffin. SO GOOD.

Then we headed over the Harvard Square to walk around, get some delicious tea and…….. Get tattoos!
It was pretty spur-of-the-moment, but we both saw the tattoo parlor shop and knew we wanted to get something special for ourselves and to commemorate this time we were spending together here. I am so pleased with how mine turned out, and I think my bro is happy with his too.πŸ™‚

Then we headed out to dinner and a recital with some of my friends. And in the falling rain we headed home with a little pit stop for more Indian food for the bodybuilder in residence.πŸ˜‰ Having my brother here to hang out with me has been a really great experience and I am so happy he was willing and able to come out to stay with me.

Here’s to another fun day tomorrow!

Happiness Starts Here

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Siblings reunite!

Happy Friday!

This morning started early, but for a great reason! My brother flew in from California to visit me for the weekend and I couldn’t be happier.πŸ™‚

So far, we’ve hit the gym (obviously a must when we are together), eaten at Root and later had delicious Indian takeout for dinner, stopped by BU so I could get a coaching in, and visited around the Prudential Center. I would’ve liked to do more outside but this weather isn’t being very cooperative, and the forecast is announcing rain all weekend… Not to mention he hasn’t slept since Wednesday night because he took the red-eye out of Cali! But I’m just happy he’s here to hang out with me and let me take him around to all my favorite Boston spots.

The rest of our weekend involves plans to go to the wharf, dinner and a recital with some of my friends, birthday drinks, and any other shenanigans we get up to.πŸ˜‰

Have a great weekend!

Happiness Starts Here

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It just keeps getting better

Happy hump day!

My Wednesday started much earlier than I’m used to, since I usually don’t have class until 3pm. However, it was up at 6 getting all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed to teach a French lesson at 7am! Despite the early wake-up, I am really grateful to have had that class because it made me feel way more prepared to teach my group class this evening.

I keep hearing that it will get easier the more I actually teach, and I feel like I am starting to feel a little more comfortable already. Teaching in itself forces me to be off-balance and to think quickly on my feet which might be just exactly what I need to keep pushing me out of my comfort zone. I tend to want to be completely in control and to know exactly what will happen in class, but the truth is all I can do is prepare and feel as comfortable as possible with the material beforehand, and just go with the flow in the moment! Maybe a lesson to try applying to real life….? Lol.

I got to ease into my class this evening with a nice coffee break and ride to work with a boy, so maybe that plays into it too… Guess I gotta make that a weekly habit!

I hope you’re staying warm and out of this horrible gust of cold we just got hit with in Boston!

Happiness Starts Here

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Believe and you will be

Hey all!

I hope your week is off to a great start! I got a ton of things done today, including checking off a presentation from my to-do list, some lunch with a nice guyπŸ™‚, a super zen psych appointment and my first Skype French lesson!

I’ve been psyching myself out a lot lately, or maybe I’ve just realized it and it’s been going on for a while. I have always taken my own self-confidence for granted because as a performer, I love being on stage and putting on a show, but that’s not really what everyday life is like. Every day is not a show and it would be SO exhausting if it was!

So this self-confidence I thought I had in the bag… Turns out, not so much. I’m not saying I can’t function, but when things go wrong or I start to worry about how the future will turn out, my first move is to doubt myself. Instead of looking at a task head-on and just accepting that most likely mistakes will be made and not everything will be rainbows and butterflies, I immediately turn inward against myself with thoughts that I should quit while I still can, or that I won’t succeed, or that someone will be better than me. And that’s just to name a few possibilities.


As I’m writing this all down, I’m thinking “What the heck?!” Why am I working so hard against myself sometimes, instead of doing what will make me ultimately feel more successful regardless of the outcome, which is to just believe in myself?? I feel like I’m fighting the stupidest battle because I’m actually creating more obstacles for myself!

No more. Now that I see what I’ve been doing, I’m not letting that get in my way anymore. Not in an obnoxious, self-centered way, but I have so much to offer as a performer, friend, daughter, person, so why would I hold myself back. The answer is I won’t.


Happiness Starts Here

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