I’m still here!

Hey there!

Wow it’s been a loooong time since I’ve blogged! I am tempted to apologize for being MIA, but at the same time I’m totally not sorry.

I have been living my life and going with the flow, be it impromptu movie nights with my friends, lunch with the boy, or any other sort of fun I can think up. I’ve been pretty productive too, working on music for my end-of-year jury in a couple weeks, and I’ve been feeling pretty dang awesome about my voice.

Although I wasn’t really in any shows this semester, many of my good friends were, and experiencing it through their eyes helped me feel a little bit closer to the whole process.

The truth is, I’ve thought about blogging several times since I’ve put it on hold, but more often than not, when I’m having an issue I used to feel like writing about- now my go-to is to talk it out with someone. Not to say that my problems have somehow vanished into mid-air, but I don’t feel like blogging about them is what I really need right now.

I hope to continue updating here occasionally, but I think it may end up being less frequent than before: maybe once or twice a week.

I hope you’re having a really marvelous Sunday and celebrating Easter, or 4/20, or just the beautiful sunshine.

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Open the door and let someone in

So I have clearly been absent recently on the blog but I’ve been doing this amazing thing called living. Just enjoying the moments as they are happening and not trying to think so much about the future.

Today however, I find myself getting way to much into my own head. I am over-analyzing my newly budding relationship and thinking about the past relationships I’ve been in. I am comparing and zeroing in on what I seem to consider flaws and trying to understand which relationship is the “right” one. I know this is completely silly because I can’t know how things will work out in the end, but I keep trying to categorize this relationship so I can put it into its own tidy, little box.

I guess the not-knowing aspect is what is really scaring me, but I sense myself pushing the limits to see what I can get away with, in a way.

After getting some really good insight from my therapist, I think the biggest issue I’m having is that I don’t want anyone to have to take care of me. I am incredibly independent and pretty driven, and I feel like doing anything less than everything makes me weak. But, one of the most fundamental parts of being in a relationship is being able to let someone else take care of you, and them allowing you to reciprocate. I’m afraid of being vulnerable and letting anyone else in because I’m scared they might not like everything they end up finding out. I don’t want to take the easy way out and sabotage myself before I even have a chance to experience what a really good relationship could be. I want to really take a leap of faith and risk a negative outcome because otherwise I won’t ever know how amazing the positive outcome could be.

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Growing my own confidence

Thursday is finally here and it’s been a hectic week, but in the best way possible. I’ve been enjoying some really great coachings and have felt so great about my voice! I feel like I have earned this successful week and it’s giving me a bit more confidence in my singing. The end of the semester is approaching quickly and having my jury in a month is helping me stay focused and moving forward.

Luckily, I’ve also made time to catch up with an old high school classmate at lunch today and have enjoyed several coffee dates this week with a certain someone. Teaching has continued to feel easier and the lesson I taught tonight (my last for the week!) totally flew by! Hopefully that means I’m getting better… ;-)

Happy Thursday!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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No fooling me, April

Happy April!

No big jokes to kick off this post, but I am SUPER glad that it’s finally a new month. I am lumping in new month with new weather because I refuse to accept that potential rain or, god forbid, snow and sleet will interfere with my plans to begin wearing shorts and dresses again. I love my winter boots, but I think we can all agree that I need to start wearing something else now.

To recap, this weekend was just fabulous. My brother was here and we laughed and joked like maniacs, went to the gym a whole bunch (my arms are still struggling to coordinate typing on my phone right now…) and ate some awesome food with lovely friends. Did I mention we totally YOLO-ed and got tattoos on Saturday?
We wound down our weekend by renting American Hustle to watch at home Sunday night and it was so frustrating and stressful and yet a wonderful movie. And the celebrity-laden cast may have helped take my love for it up a few notches. Christian Bale was UNrecognizable. Props to him for serious commitment to his roles!

Now that I’m on my own again, I have to admit it feels a little lonely, but I have a lot of fun memories to play over in my head. And my pals to distract me here. They did a good job of it yesterday since we got dinner at my favorite Cambridge eatery (Life Alive) and saw a really impressive performance of Die Schone Mullerin at the Dean’s House, followed by some antics at Target to buy soap and popcorn. You know, the usual stuff.

This weekend has made me feel like home is a little bit closer and spring actually is right around the corner. I hope you had an awesome weekend too!

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Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Saturday, you’re looking mighty fine

What a lovely, but rainy day in Boston!
We started our day with a great workout for me, and some sleeping in for my brother (13+ hours, I’m impressed!) and then headed to brunch at Allston Diner. I swear I ate the most amazing tofu scramble of my life there! It was life-changing and I’ve been raving about it all day to my brother so I have to talk about it here.

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Vegan breakfast with tofu scramble (mushrooms, spinach and sundried tomatoes), side salad with herb vinaigrette and toasted English muffin. SO GOOD.

Then we headed over the Harvard Square to walk around, get some delicious tea and…….. Get tattoos!
It was pretty spur-of-the-moment, but we both saw the tattoo parlor shop and knew we wanted to get something special for ourselves and to commemorate this time we were spending together here. I am so pleased with how mine turned out, and I think my bro is happy with his too. :-)

Then we headed out to dinner and a recital with some of my friends. And in the falling rain we headed home with a little pit stop for more Indian food for the bodybuilder in residence. ;-) Having my brother here to hang out with me has been a really great experience and I am so happy he was willing and able to come out to stay with me.

Here’s to another fun day tomorrow!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Siblings reunite!

Happy Friday!

This morning started early, but for a great reason! My brother flew in from California to visit me for the weekend and I couldn’t be happier. :-)

So far, we’ve hit the gym (obviously a must when we are together), eaten at Root and later had delicious Indian takeout for dinner, stopped by BU so I could get a coaching in, and visited around the Prudential Center. I would’ve liked to do more outside but this weather isn’t being very cooperative, and the forecast is announcing rain all weekend… Not to mention he hasn’t slept since Wednesday night because he took the red-eye out of Cali! But I’m just happy he’s here to hang out with me and let me take him around to all my favorite Boston spots.

The rest of our weekend involves plans to go to the wharf, dinner and a recital with some of my friends, birthday drinks, and any other shenanigans we get up to. ;-)

Have a great weekend!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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It just keeps getting better

Happy hump day!

My Wednesday started much earlier than I’m used to, since I usually don’t have class until 3pm. However, it was up at 6 getting all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed to teach a French lesson at 7am! Despite the early wake-up, I am really grateful to have had that class because it made me feel way more prepared to teach my group class this evening.

I keep hearing that it will get easier the more I actually teach, and I feel like I am starting to feel a little more comfortable already. Teaching in itself forces me to be off-balance and to think quickly on my feet which might be just exactly what I need to keep pushing me out of my comfort zone. I tend to want to be completely in control and to know exactly what will happen in class, but the truth is all I can do is prepare and feel as comfortable as possible with the material beforehand, and just go with the flow in the moment! Maybe a lesson to try applying to real life….? Lol.

I got to ease into my class this evening with a nice coffee break and ride to work with a boy, so maybe that plays into it too… Guess I gotta make that a weekly habit!

I hope you’re staying warm and out of this horrible gust of cold we just got hit with in Boston!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Believe and you will be

Hey all!

I hope your week is off to a great start! I got a ton of things done today, including checking off a presentation from my to-do list, some lunch with a nice guy :), a super zen psych appointment and my first Skype French lesson!

I’ve been psyching myself out a lot lately, or maybe I’ve just realized it and it’s been going on for a while. I have always taken my own self-confidence for granted because as a performer, I love being on stage and putting on a show, but that’s not really what everyday life is like. Every day is not a show and it would be SO exhausting if it was!

So this self-confidence I thought I had in the bag… Turns out, not so much. I’m not saying I can’t function, but when things go wrong or I start to worry about how the future will turn out, my first move is to doubt myself. Instead of looking at a task head-on and just accepting that most likely mistakes will be made and not everything will be rainbows and butterflies, I immediately turn inward against myself with thoughts that I should quit while I still can, or that I won’t succeed, or that someone will be better than me. And that’s just to name a few possibilities.

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As I’m writing this all down, I’m thinking “What the heck?!” Why am I working so hard against myself sometimes, instead of doing what will make me ultimately feel more successful regardless of the outcome, which is to just believe in myself?? I feel like I’m fighting the stupidest battle because I’m actually creating more obstacles for myself!

No more. Now that I see what I’ve been doing, I’m not letting that get in my way anymore. Not in an obnoxious, self-centered way, but I have so much to offer as a performer, friend, daughter, person, so why would I hold myself back. The answer is I won’t.

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Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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True Bistro (love)

The cloudy weather today has for perfectly for my day of homework, music studying and cleaning up my room. I managed to get a great workout in at the gym- even though I almost face-planted into a weight machine after I tripped over a 45-pound plate and yelped so loudly I got stares! The bruise on my shin is just a sign of how tough I am right?

Last night I had the most fun date, complete with on-point dirty martinis and literally the best vegan food I have ever eaten. Actually, some of the best food period! We went to True Bistro in Somerville, and despite not taking reservations the food more than made up for it. Not the mention the service was incredible, I think my water glass was refilled 12 times.
We ordered the crispy oyster mushrooms to start, then split the blackened seitan with collards and grits as well as a phyllo purse stuffed with sweet potato, seitan and what must have been a cinnamon sauce! It was so flavorful and incredible. We finished off the meal with an apple cobbler topped with walnut-rum ice cream and of course enjoyed a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon on the side. I couldn’t believe that every single thing on the menu was vegan and it was so exciting to be able to choose anything I wanted without having to make annoying requests like no cheese, no butter, um is there honey in that? Even my date, who is absolutely not vegan, was extremely pleased with all the food and couldn’t get over the grits. :)

TB just became one of my favorite restaurants in Boston, and it was perfect for a date. Cozy but still a lively environment, and the company was fantastic too. I can’t wait to go back and try everything else on the menu!!

I hope you had a great weekend full of delicious food and even better company!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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Going out in style

Happy Saturday friends!!

I was MIA last night because I went out with some friends to get drinks to celebrate the weekend! And may have ended up staying out way past my usual bedtime…. But it was totally worth it. I don’t have any absolute plans for the day besides doing some homework, paperwork and getting ready for a date tonight. And who am I kidding, that’ll take all day to prepare for! Jk. ;-) I might be one of the most low-maintenance gals I know, and can easily get ready to go out in about 20-25 minutes. I consider it a talent!

Anyone share my pet peeve for people who take forEVER to get ready to leave the house? I mean seriously, how long does it take to put on a shirt and pants and shoes??

I hope you’re having a great weekend!

Love,
Happiness Starts Here

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